Come see the tame wild animal… fox that

Throughout the ages man has shared this spinning orb with many a creature, successfully taming beasts in order for them to make our lives a little easier, horses to pull the heavy plough, dogs to sniff out drugs, pigs to sniff out truffles. This always works best when we as humans respect the animal and their way of life. We have tried the brute force way of keeping animals on our side but for the most part this has resulted in many deaths, both animal and human.

Dogs for example, fit into human life very well. They are pack animals and as long as they know where they are in our pack they are pretty much happy. Humans for the most of our existence have not even thought this way, it is only through advances in dog behaviour studies that we are even aware this is the case. In fact there is strong evidence to suggest that dogs have adapted their natural behaviour to integrate further into the human unit. Barking for example, your family dog or indeed any dog you meet will be able to bark in numerous ways, a playful yip is much different from a go away or I’ll bite your balls bark. On the other hand wild dogs and indeed Wolves in the wild are largely mute aside from the odd howl or growl.

I like Wolves. I like to watch them on TV and if there is an opportunity to observe them in their natural environment from a distance I will. There is however in my home town no less a Wolf Sanctuary. Here you can stroke the tame Wolves like they are a domestic dog. I’ve never been, nor will I. I have no wish to pet a “tame” wild animal. An animal which still has the instincts it was born with, no matter how well it has been trained or hand reared it is still a wild animal. To disregard this fact is showing a huge amount of human arrogance.

Just last week a woman was attacked by two hand reared Cheetah’s at a South African Zoo. To be fair to the woman involved she did save a child from certain death but she was queuing up to get her photo taken with a cheetah. I’m not sure if cheetahs like having their photo taken, I guess if you were to ask them about the local Snappy Snaps they’d direct you to the local crocodile. Cheetahs are wild animals, born to run, hunt, reproduce and sleep. Not pose for something that will look good on Photostream on your Apple TV. An enquiry is ongoing at the zoo as I write this, however the usual outcome to such an event is that the animals that have had the bare faced cheek to protest, pay with their life. This is a shame because the incident occurred due to human arrogance and disrespect.

Channel 4 (In the UK) have been running a series called Foxes Live. On the most part it has been brilliant, full of great footage and information about the UK’s fox population (No mention of Samantha yet.. but there is still time) However some of the tweets the show has received have shone through as examples of the wild animal disrespect. I have no issue with people feeding foxes. I do have issues with people complaining that the fox they fed, came back and raided their bin when there was no food there. I also have issues with people leading the fox into their houses.

A fox is a wild animal. It will gladly take food for itself and its offspring. It will not respect the sanctity of your home or indeed your wheelie bin. It is not tame, it may bite. If it does it’s your fault.

The world around is a beautiful thing. The animals which we share the planet with are all just trying to survive. They are not there for our entertainment, even domestic pets need to be respected in order for the relationships we have to be mutually beneficial.

Now enjoy some fox cubs!

The New Job

Applying for a job, you know what it’s like. Bigging up your achievements, the project that you worked on for five minutes, whilst a colleague was making the tea, suddenly becomes a four year odyssey where you were master and ruler of a small country and 50 pure virgins were at your beck and call. Where your leadership was so good they considered it a privilege to surrender their womanhoods to you.

Maybe that’s why I’ve failed in my the last three attempts at getting a new job.

It is very rare however that this bigging up of your achievements is done by someone else on your behalf. With elements of the media massaging your ego, touting you as some kind of cross between Brian Clough, The Fonz and Jesus. You should be a shoe in for any job, you are the chosen one, the one to lead us into the promised land. Get that contract, wow the crowd, spank the monkey, win that trophy.

Some employers may fall for it, if you walk the walk, and talk the talk enough. However if someone else turns up with actual bonafide achievements they might just look at the other guy. Your backers will wail, before any work has been done. Their web of embellishments lies on the floor in tatters. How dare the other guy with his actual achievements, higher success ratio and experience in the field get the top job. He has no chance of bringing home the bacon… (Clearly) Rumours of money will be abound, they went for the other guy cos he is an inferior to you but he undercut you. Typical employer cutting costs and corners to go against public (media generated) opinion.

Maybe your backers will wheel out “experts” in the field to belittle the employer, it matters not that the experts in question, failed miserably whilst working at the level at which they like to appear so knowledgeable. “Not the first time they have gone against public opinion.”* Is this you he is talking about or himself and his failed career. It’s not working. The employers have their man, that guy.

That guy is Roy Hodgson, he has international football experience following spells at Finland, Switzerland and the UAE. He has won 5 league titles. Media darling Harry Redknapp has won one FA Cup. He has no international experience, he has a talent as a wheeler dealer, buying and selling players, making the most of the clubs money. A talent which is wasted at international level.

Will Hodgson's England attack or "Park the Bus"

Thanks to the the morons at fleet street, Roy Hodgson will have to win Euro 2012 to be ensured of a job at the end of it. He will be hounded out. Instead of given the chance his non-embellished CV should give him.

*Matt Le Tissier, speaking on TalkSport. About the FA going against public opinion, he failed for England as player, playing at Southampton where they built a team around him. He expected, in my opinion, England and the FA to do the same. He still remains bitter.

Man of the Year?

Football, the national sport of England. 2011/12 season. My very own Reading FC Champions of England’s second flight, displaying grit and determination coupled with a true team spirit unparalleled in the division. It is not surprising that only Ian Harte is represented in the PFA Championship team of the year, because our squad is together much greater than the sum of it’s parts.

The PFA awards have always been funny things. From the players for the players. Ryan Giggs won the individual honour a few years back despite playing a ridiculously small number of games during that season. But he did have an impact, and the award was given to him long before the super injunction surrounding his private life was blown apart. Ryan was revealed not to be the messiah, but a naughty boy a few years later, but at least his brothers wife actually agreed to sleep with him.

Ched Evans, a striker acquired for the princely sum of £3 million in 2009. He went on be part of the biggest underachieving Sheffield Utd side in many years being relegated to League 1 (the third tier) this season Sheffield Utd have performed well currently occupying the second automatic promotion spot. Ched appeared to have finally found his level, as Sheffield Utd’s top scorer. Indeed Ched has made the PFA League One team of the year. An accolade which the other ten members of the side must be delighted to share with a convicted rapist.

Yes. The PFA have seen it fit to include a man last week convicted and jailed for 5 years, in their team of the year. Now i know not all footballers are angels. But the timing of this stinks. Now I know the votes are cast quite some time before the season ends, so all the other players in league one did not vote knowing that Evans was a scumbag, but purely on his footballing performance. However by the time the results were published Ched was behind bars and being taught how it feels to be violated by a large Rastafarian named George (maybe).

Gordon Taylor has defended the league one team saying “it’s based on football ability” well yes this is true. I don’t think it was ever intended to be based upon anything else. That’s not the point. To release this so shortly after his conviction brings the game into disrepute. On the front pages, rapist. Back pages, hero. This is course is disregarding the emotions the girl and her family must now forever face.

The PFA should use common sense and not let one scumbag devalue their award. Because on the whole footballers are intelligent hard working professionals, the majority represent the game and their club without incident. Evans gave up his right to share in those accolades and now must wait for the court of appeal to decide his fate.

People are Bollocks. Get Over It.

Getting through life is difficult god knows! At least he would if he were real. There they are my cards upon the table. Some of you may disagree with me. Thats good, I mean if we all had the same views it would be a boring world. I’m a reasonable guy as I have stated before on these very pages whatever helps you through the days on this spinning orb is fine by me.

Besides all of the religions mention good stuff, good rules to live by. Not killing, accepting others, helping ones fellow man. Hell if it wasn’t such a bad idea I’d become religious myself. But as with all good intentions and good rules there always someone around to manipulate the situation and it isn’t me a rational atheist. The people who play the idea of God to their own ends are believers and have been since the very start of religion. Kings and Queens, Presidents, Bishops even the everyday church goer can from time to time use religion to control others.

So these good rules suddenly become reasons to kill, persecute and discriminate against those who’s life is different from our own. If it is “God’s Will” it’s ok. As an atheist I think this is pretty unfair on God I mean massacres have been blamed on God, where in reality it was of course a man acting upon his own free will. It’s not just murders that poor old God get blamed for, Football team lost, well he’s on the other teams side, Black, White, Yellow, Gay.. God at any point at any given day hates everyone of every colour creed and background.

In some cases God even advertises his hatred, on buses no less. The advert from religious groups Core Issues Trust and Anglican Mainstream states: “Not gay! Ex-gay, post-gay and proud. Get over it!” There goes God gay bashing, surprising that because if God created everyone, he must have made the gay ones too. These moron’s from the Core Issues Trust and Anglican Mainstream believe however that being Gay is an affliction something that can be cured. They have been stuffing people back in the closet for a long time now. But it’s God’s work so thats ok.

Thankfully Tfl have decided not to plaster this ridiculous parody of stonewalls “Some People are Gay Get Over It” all over their Buses. I hope they would make the same decision for say a “Don’t Trust Whitey” campaign or a “All disabled men are rapists” slogan. People will always find a reason to hate other people, we are pack animals, but it makes us feel warm inside if we blame something else.

A friend of mine was once offered a religious leaflet at a festival. He turned them down saying “No thanks, religion is bollocks.” Actually he was wrong.

Religion is OK. People are bollocks.

Slowlycreepingdeath (resurrection)

Hello loyal band of wordpress followers. Slowlycreepingdeath has returned, because this name change has lost me lots of page views.. I wanna be famous god dammit. Nah I want people to read my stuff though. To that end I have moved.. as an experiment to blogspot at http://slowlycreepingdeath.blogspot.co.uk/ not much there at the moment.

This page will remain, I might even return in due course.. deleting pages is stupid.. I know that now!

Goal

It’s a rush of adrenaline, it’s a second or two of mass hysteria. Thousands of people rising to their feet in unison. Fists punching the air, voices and heart rates raised to new levels an almost primal reaction.

On the other hand it’s despair, crusher of hopes dreams and ambitions. Peering through fingers in disbelief often at the very people who are ardently celebrating your ineptitude. You’ve been here before, so have they. They know, so they are savouring their moment in the sun.

It’s a GOAL.

Or is it, did it cross the line? Was he offside?
Surely that was a foul ref. Are you blind?

Today, QPR scored a goal. But it will in the fullness of time be forgotten. This goal will never be recorded in the QPR history books, because even though the ball crossed the white line of destiny (the goal line) the goal was not given. The linesman said it did not cross the line.

QPR's "Goal" Image BBC SPORT

QPR went on to lose 2-1. Denial of what was a clear goal may have cost them dear. My own club Reading have also been involved in a controversial non-goal. As you can see the ball goes nowhere near the goal, and yet we scored!

So the FA have announced they want video technology to be introduced. Is this a good thing? I have to admit I am torn. On one hand, it should ensure a fairer game, but where do you stop? If there is a foul in the build up to a goal, does that get appealed and sent for review? If not why is this “non-goal” given less important than any other.

The referral system works excellently in many sports, notably cricket. It also proves that 95% of the time umpires are correct. It works in cricket because it is a stop-start game, with only a few variables to check. In football there are very few breaks in play, and even expert summarisers with the 300 cameras Sky have on each game still cannot come to a consensus. Then of course there is the beautiful game itself.

One of the reasons football is so popular is it’s simplicity. A ball is just about the only piece of equipment you need. It is played on a amateur level world wide by millions. The same game. The likes of FC Barcelona can afford HD cameras on the goal line, HD cameras up both of Lionel Messi’s nostrils if they want. FC Dog ’n’ Duck cannot.

Now in English football we have the greatest cup contest in the world. The FA Cup. The reason why I love it is that amateur sides can enter. They can go from 9 people watching them play at their home ground to 76,000 people watching them play at Old Trafford against Man Utd. Now what if FC Dog ‘n’ Duck held Man Utd to a draw at Old Trafford and they brought them to their ground behind the local Lidl’s. Barry a welder by trade, Ducks centre forward through on goal, smashes it to the top left, it hits the bar and bounces down. Is it over the line? Who knows? No cameras on the goal line. Whereas if a similar goal was scored at Old Trafford the whole would know, and no-one would have anything to write about, blog about, or talk about.

That’s the other thing about football. It is a soap opera. A game of opinions like no other. Do we really want Siri to tell us if that was a goal or not, or do we want officials who are human who will occasionally get it wrong sometimes.. just like the players.

Terry in June

John Terry, Chelsea captain. Centre back once one of England’s first names on the team sheet and indeed their captain. He was due to lead the England Football team in the upcoming European Championships in June of this year. But he won’t and in my opinion he shouldn’t even be there.

He is 31 years old, a success and an idol for many Chelsea fans, local boy done good. Moving through the ranks at Chelsea to captain the club and win the Premier League title 3 times. On the pitch he is the kind of player that every fan wants to see playing for them, full of blood and thunder, he’d argue that the sky was green if he thought it would help Chelsea’s cause, and before his body decided to crumble he was England’s best centre back. (Although not for the same reasons he is at Chelsea, I’ll explain in a bit)

You see he has had some pretty serious injuries in recent years, which have robbed him of a yard or two of pace, he only had a bit to begin with. International strikers will exploit that. Chelsea are having (by their standards) a poor season with injuries and suspensions taking their toll. So is John Terry Englands best centre back? With the arrival of Gary Cahill he’s not even Chelsea’s.

Terry for England. These days he seems to get through Chelsea games with blood and the aforementioned thunder. Passion and a will to win. Whenever he is on England duty that seems to be lacking. It’s not just him either, none of the current England squad appear to care about England. The last time I really cared about England was in 1996 or maybe 2000. Players seemed to have that desire, now I don’t see it. Steven Gerrard is being touted as the next Captain. He is good at Liverpool… at Liverpool he cares. So will Terry minus blood and thunder get in the starting eleven to wear the three lions.

Then of cause there is the allegations of racism. Which is why John Terry won’t be captain of England this summer. Now I’m very torn on this issue. Firstly let me say that I don’t like John Terry as a man (what I know of him) or as a player, secondly I don’t think John Terry is racist. I think what he said to Anton Ferdinand was said in the heat of the moment and Terry was merely trying to be (for want of a more macho word) hurtful. If example if Anton Ferdinand had been ginger or fat or had a big nose and he’d mentioned that it would have been in the same way that he used the “black” adjective, poking at what Terry deems a weak spot on an opponent. Like a playground bully.

This doesn’t mean that what Terry said doesn’t have racist overtones, and for a man who is Captain of his country, an idol to youngsters. This is unacceptable. I have written before about Wayne Rooney and how he shouldn’t be used as a role model. I don’t think an England Captain should either, but I do think they are ambassador for their sport and country.

If there is a promising youngster who loves football, has the skill on the pitch to be the next Gazza, who happens to be black. Who is put off the game because he believes the sporting leader of his country will persecute him for his differences, it’s a loss. To football and all the people involved, the player who will never fulfil his potential and the fans who will never be able to marvel at the skills.

And what about the actual racists, who wrongly and in the comfort of their own homes now count Terry as a poster boy for their warped world view. If he went to the Euros and lifted the trophy would this not re-enforce their stance, even if Darren Bent (a black player) scored the winning goal.

Terry’s position is the England team is untenable, even for just football reasons. If you take the allegations against him, and the fact that his personal life has shown him up to be nothing more than a selfish child-like man only out for number one, he should be as close to the England team as I am this summer. Watching on the TV.

Good for her.

When speaking recently to teacher friend of mine I was surprised to find out that she set homework of “Writing an Autobiography” to her class of 10-11 year olds. “What,” I enquired, “could they possibly have to write about.” Less than me and I’m not exactly prolific. However she told me that some of the finished products had been excellent and it encouraged the kids to think about their self image and their life experience thus far.

Good for them.

To date I don’t think my teacher friend has pitched this idea to any publishers, and the work produced was all written by the children who’s name appeared on their artistic front covers. No ghost writers here. So spin forward to 2024 (yes the time machine again, bare with me) one of the kids in the class has gone on to achieve fame and fortune as a TV star and recording artist. At the age of 23.

Good for her.

She had a hard upbringing, living in the poorer areas of a great metropolis. She didn’t sit any exams at school. Her mother suffered from multiple mental illnesses and at 13 she herself tried to commit suicide. She recovered from this and went on to form a group, speaking as a voice for those in her community gaining a record deal with Polydor.

Good for her.

She presented radio shows on a famous national urban station, talking to listeners in words they could understand. She presented a documentary all about her mothers illness, featuring lots about her formative years. Then a media mogul, stepped forward and approached her to utilise her experience in the music industry by becoming a judge on a never ending talent show, that exposed her to millions of viewers every week.

Good for her.

Next she split from her group. Announcing a solo project. And at the age of 23 she announced an autobiography.

Good for her.

Now. You may have guessed this is not a fictitious person from the future. This 23 year old who raised from the slums is X-Factors very own Tulisa. Now I have no problem with autobiographies, I have read a fair few, even ones that were dictated to journos and not written by the subject. If you are a footballer or a musician you are not a writer by trade so why should you be able to write about your life. But all of the books I have read, had a story, substance, taught me something new.

Tulisa’s life, has been documented by the media. Some of it by her in her BBC Three Documentary Tulisa: My Mum And Me. So what can this autobiography tell fans that they don’t already know. There won’t be any dirt on anyone because it is foolhardy to burn bridges at 23. If she says “Simon Cowell is an arseclown” I’ll eat all the copies of the book in my local Waterstones.

In addition to the autobiography she has been signed up to write two novels. Yes this is where jealousy comes in. I’d love to be signed up on a two book deal. That said I would want to write the books myself, dictating a autobiography thats one thing, but doing the same to a work of fiction (if that) is just not on, I’m looking at you Katie Price.

I have no problem with Tulisa writing a book. But she isn’t going to, I hope her ghost writers are being paid well. Because who is going to buy it? All of her fans will have seen all about her on TV. It’s a fair bet that most of them don’t even know what a book is. (I said most.. Sophie)

Props to them.

Poem: Perpetually, Barely Alive

 

I drive to work each day,
I park between the lines,
I swipe to gain entry,
I’m even late sometimes.
I reach to call the lift up,
Pressing button five,
Upon arriving on my floor,
Uncertain if I’m alive,
I express my morning greeting,
To team, with reluctant sigh,
They ask uncaring really,
If I’m OK.. I lie.
I boot up my computer,
A password logs me in,
I await a further century,
Before I can begin,
My mind it starts to wander,
About others just like me,
About when we all stopped dreaming,
About what we wanted to be,
A time before the bills came,

Power to dream, time on your side,
Time passes…….controlled by someone else,
I can’t remember what happened,
Let me out
Let me out,

I swipe to gain freedom,
The air upon my face,
Remove my car from between the lines,
One day more in the rat race, But,
Races are exciting, rats trying to survive,
All the office workers striving,
To be perpetually, barely alive.

Push the Boat Out

This year marks the Queens diamond jubilee. A fact that I learned through watching daytime TV. Cultured eh! Through Twitter I learnt that we the British public are to gift the Queen with a new yacht. How dare she ask for a new yacht, doesn’t she know it’s a recession and there’s just been Christmas. Is she not aware that we have credit cards to pay off and sales to take advantage of. Tough choice Royal Yacht for Queeny or double discounts at DFS.

In the writing of this bit I thought I’d do a bit of research into this royal cheek. This act of regal audacity that has all tweeps and face bookers up in arms. I found a picture of Liz down at the yacht dealers. There she was champagne in one hand, public cheque book in the other. Sources say she demanded seats made of kittens and the windows to only be washed using children’s tears, because and I quote ” I am the motherfucking Queen”

This might not have happened. Not just the yacht dealership. All of it the Queen asking for a new yacht. Never happened, well maybe she asked Philip, but not the great British public. The person who came up with idea this was MP Michael Gove. The idea has been panned by the Government and Govey branded “out of touch”

Now there is a long tradition of public gifts to the Royal family. Many of these gifts attract visitors from all the world over. The QE II the last Royal Yacht was used as floating diplomacy for many years, entertaining dignitaries, promoting trade and investment in the UK and playing a huge part in building bridges between the UK and the rest of the world. People like to slate the monarchy as outdated elitism. In many ways it is, but depending on how you look at it, it’s stupid to have it any other way. The Queen is 85 years old, so she is hardly going to be joining to queue for Tinie Tempah tickets.

Given the choice between tea with Dave and Nick or tea with Liz and Phil most foreign investors will choose the Queen. In this time of recession we need to use everything we can to get investors to bring their jobs to the UK. If a few custard creams with the Queen on a new yacht bring in a couple of a million jobs I can’t see a downside. Oh yes the £60m price tag.. well with the adult populous of the UK at nearly 51m (depending where you look) if we all pay £1.17 the Queen can have the yacht. Maybe some of us..especially those protesting most will get a job out of it.

The QE 2